Ever wonder why God doesn’t heal amputees? I thought about it the other day for at least thirty seconds and came up with the answer.
Obviously, if you believe that your body is going to be resurrected and then you’ll live for eternity, replacing a limb is actually a mistake. I mean, think about it. Here you are, working away when some mindless machine rips off your leg. A moment of carelessness and a lifetime of misery. But then you pray, O please, God, make my leg grow back. And it does.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, er, in heaven, your dead leg has arrived at the Pearly Gates. Now, there isn’t much it can do but wait for you to die and be rejoined with you. But horreurs! When you die, you already have a leg! How is your other leg going to feel about that? Worse, where are you going to put it?
So there you are, walking around on three legs, hitting on the houris and blushing at the laughter.
Alternatively, you’re stomping around in the desert and boom! Your arms and legs are blown to Kingdom Come. Prang! You grow new ones and hop around all happy. But then that final day comes and you’re reunited with your other limbs. Reunited and it feels so good. But no, it’s a bit awkward. Now you have to crab around like a spider on eight limbs. This is definitely a case of be careful what you ask for.
Now I know what you’re thinking. There must be some system in place to take care of the extras. Really? Where does it say that? Reanimating a corpse? No problem. Curing leprosy? No problem. Too many limbs? Problem.
Do you suppose there could be a Heaven just for extra arms and legs? Maybe bits of brain tissue and an occasional ear or nose? Hard to play a harp, nu? Maybe you could combine the extra parts into more people but we all know that God sticks a soul in at birth. If you whittle a boy out of wood, does it have a soul? So it’s Golem Heaven then. Soulless Frankenstein monsters in their own little come-to-Glory habitat.
For those believers out there who keep getting asked about why God doesn’t heal amputees, feel free to use these arguments. My gift.
On a related note, suppose you get a dead person’s heart. Do they have to use your old one in Heaven until you finally kick the bucket and you can trade back? Are there missing books of the Bible that might explain this? Inquiring minds would really like to know.